As my own wife led marriage has become even more so - I find that he "mis behaves" with less frequency. Generally he is super focused on my happiness. I don't know that the eroticism is all of what works but it is a huge part of it. His "opportunities" for release are far and few between - maybe more so than in many marriages. I would say our dynamic is quite successful. We are connected. He gets a lot of direction(s). I get exactly the home and lifestyle I want. In truth I (almost) feel guilty about the extremes of what I have. I have a (very) dedicated husband/worker bee.
This brings me to my query. Even though he is what I would generally (no not always) call "very good" I find it is important to give him occasional "reminders" of his position in the marriage. His "place" if you will. At first this seemed counter intuitive. I had associated discipline or a consequence with mis behavior only - and that continues to be the primary association. However I have found it important to periodically (even in what might seem to him as an out of the blue way) give him "reminders" of how things are.
I expect (I really do not know) that I may exhibit a strictness or an authoritarian sort of approach that may go beyond what some other wives do. We are all different of course. However I find that the more directive I am, the firmer I am, the more accepting and almost relaxed he is. It is an interesting thing to me and I wonder how other women experience this or does it resonate?
I am a submissive man, married in an FLR and so obviously cannot directly answer your question from the woman's viewpoint. However I can tell you that for me receiving 'reminders' is the same as getting orders from the dominant woman I love and is definitely erotic. We have a very loving and intimate marriage and I wish she would 'remind' me more often since having the opportunity to please her is central to my happiness.
ReplyDeleteTo add to my post, I wish she would remind me more often that she is in charge and has the final say. We're pretty new at this and she is moving in that direction almost daily as she gets more confidence. I welcome the reminder of my submissive role. It is exciting and reassuring.
ReplyDeleteMen give, women take. This is a principle that should be respected. At the beginning of our female centric relationship he was a porn addict and compulsive masturbator. I am a woman who was afraid of principle that I should take,and that I need to demand what I want.
ReplyDeleteWhen I realized that if he should have orgasm denial does not mean that I have to. Asymmetry is what led us to success.
Chastity belt stopped his masturbation. Long term orgasm denial is an incredibly improve his behavior.
He is now strongly focused on me and my pleasure,and I learned that I take that. We both enjoy, he enjoys to giving, I enjoy to taking.
Mrs. Brittingham,
ReplyDeleteAs a male it is often the small words that remind me the most. Like when my wife says things like "I will/will not let you" "I give you permission" "did you ask". Those things are subtle but loud reminders to me.
Thanks
Bob
"Good boy" gets me every time! ("Be good" is when I know that she means business.)
DeleteDear Bob,
ReplyDeleteWonderful verbiage your wife uses! How does it feel when your wife uses those phrases? Can you describe your reaction?
Mrs. Brittingham,
ReplyDeleteThank you for allowing me to expand on my post. A direct answer to your question is that I feel excited, safe, cared for, loved. Depending on the situation decides other feelings. Most often I feel the need to say thank you. She also has a way to use certain phrases in public. She might say "let me check my calendar" or "let me think about it" even "I will decide later". These phrases go unnoticed by others but not by me. Also my eyes always seem to drop when she makes one of these comments. Again thank you for the privelage to respond.
Humbly
Bob
Mrs. Brittingham,
ReplyDeletefrom a submissive husband's perspective, we yearn for the occasional reminders - be it in the form of words or action -, although few would admit it.
Getting reminded of my place in the relationship is not all at all counter intuitive, I'm not ashamed to say that I need regular doses of it! :) Personally, submitting to authority and the sheer helplessness of a second alternative forms a big part of the eroticism responsible for turning our (my) minds into mush.
You shouldn't feel guilty at all about the extremes of what you have. You surely realize by now that your extremes provide him something to focus his energies on. It will be evil to deny him that focus!
Yours humbly,
NR
From a male point of view... The longer it is between orgasms (for me, not my wife), the better behaved, docile, attentive I become. I find sexual pleasure through my wife achieving orgasm. Household chores are a turn on for me. I don't often need reminders of my place, just longer periods without orgasm. In summary, orgasm control is the key to keeping me in line, and I completely agree with the approach, it's s win win for both of us. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteOne way to send a reminder is to randomly say NO periodically. (for example) If he usually watches NFL at 11:00 am every Sunday, then out of the blue, plan with a friend of yours for him to be at her place at 9:00 am to clean her entire house, and wash & iron all her laundry all day while the two of you go shopping, and sit in a coffee shop. By the end of the ten hours that he's been cleaning her house, while the television at home is shut off, he will remember that you are in charge.
ReplyDelete