Saturday, July 30, 2016

Sleeping Arrangements

I always found it curious how couples in classic movies were portrayed as having separate beds or even separate bedrooms. I just assumed that this was cinematic prudishness or perhaps the emulation of aristocratic opulence. Or perhaps even a bad marriage.

It never occurred to me that a marriage might be so passionate that a couple couldn't sleep in the same bed. But that is exactly what I discovered in my own marriage.

Separate beds might have sufficed, but I decided that we should have separate bedrooms.  This arrangement has many advantages.  I initially put him in another room simply because his raging erections were constant throughout the night poking at me, hoping for attention; needless to say, I wasn't getting any sleep.   Now his room is located conveniently next to the kitchen where many of his household duties lay.  I have the master bedroom, and it serves as a nice retreat with a spa room adjoining my bedroom.

My husband is the best massage therapist I've experienced. So, it's nice to have a nice foot bath with foot massage in a reclining chair and then move to the massage table where he gives a deep massage with oil, and then moves to the hot and cold stone massage.  After it's over I lie on the table and meditate with salt lamps and meditation music while he turns down my room.  I get in bed, and he arrives with a pitcher of ice cold water and pours my evening water glass, asks if there's anything else, and if he can be excused.  I then read for a bit before going to sleep while he cleans up the spa room.

With semen retention, my husband nearly always yearns for me.  I have found that sleeping apart allows us both a better night's rest.  A semen retaining male is just going to be more amorous, hoping, yearning for some attention.  I think retaining males need a whole separate room.  I like him to be completely detached from me at night.  Personally, I don't think separate beds in one room would work for us.  I need to have that space.  I don't need to hear him humping his pillow at 4 in the morning in his sleep.  If you don't have a spare bedroom, and you don't have children, he could set up a little bed in the laundry room or maybe a pantry, not the living room or kitchen.  Somewhere where he can have his own mostly private space would be more appropriate.

Aside from amorous retaining males, I think the whole concept of a marriage bed breeds contempt for each other.  If you're not going to be having intercourse, a couple should not be in bed together.  The only time I'm in bed horizontal with my husband is when I need his services.  This is just sound behavioral science.  It's very rare that we have sex in my bedroom as this is reserved for a special treat, and it keeps my sheets clean.   Intercourse always takes place in his room.   Now, with separate rooms, when I lay beside him, I'm a stimulus which causes arousal and sexual stimulation.

In a marriage bed, people become a continuous stimulus to each other, sleeping, reading, watching TV (perish the thought).  In behavioral science, a continuous stimulus ceases to be a stimulus. That's the exact opposite of what you want. You're married, not room mates! With separate bedrooms, when you lay next to him it actually means something.  When I enter my husband's room, and he removes my clothes, his heart starts racing in anticipation.  This is just one modification that we've made since he started retaining that has made the times when we do have contact even more passionate.  When I walk away after sex, he wants badly for me to stay longer.  That's the way a man should feel about his wife.

(Read more at FLR 101.)

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Abolishing Your Husbands Masturbation Habit

If there is one thing that drains a marriage of passion, it's a husband's masturbation habit.  He should be retaining semen for the benefit of the relationship and recognize that you have the right to be involved with what he's doing in private as it directly effects you. To me this habit is close to adultery in what it does to a marriage.

One thing is paramount: masturbation must stop. You need to take an interest and monitor this. Your marriage must be built upon honesty.  If he'll lie to you about this, then there is a whole lot of work that needs to be done before you even consider this road.  Just like alcoholics have a sponsor, you need to be his masturbation sponsor.  He needs to be accountable to you, and call you if he has a problem. If there is an infraction, I expect him to call my secretary and tell her he as a problem at home that needs my attention, and she'll give me a message.  He should know there is an immediate consequence for that infraction, and I know how much he dreads making that call.  We'll address the issue when I get home and deliver the appropriate consequence

Also he needs to be honest with porn viewing.  Porn viewing is a waste of his valuable time and energy. Energy that should be channeled into more productive avenues.  And of course, it's a powerful stimulus that leads to masturbation. You need to learn how to check his browsing history on his computer.  That alone will let you see what's going through his head.  Let him know that he shouldn't be ashamed then delete his history.  My husband knows that he needs to confess any porn that he happens upon on the net. He knows he needs to leave the site immediately and lingering brings consequences.  If he doesn't come to me and confess immediately, and I find it in his browsing history, the consequences will be far more severe.  Really, he's been quite good about this.  If he has been compliant, I'm fine with giving permission for 15 minutes of free computer time once in awhile.

I hadn't realized  how central this habit was to his life until we started this.  With appropriate consequences, he has gone from 30-60 times a month to 0 times a month.  He also has the desire to abstain as he knows I expect the Bellagio water show when he releases, and he doesn't want to disappoint. In addition, his daily passion for me verifies that he's not depleted.  So when I allow him an ejaculation, I always comment on how impressed I am at his orgasmic expression demonstrating my appreciation for what he's accomplished. This functions as a positive reinforcer for his abstention behavior and further builds compliance with the no masturbation rule in the household.

Sometimes we as women would rather not know, and just ignore this issue, but we do it at the peril of our relationship. Then we wonder why he's not aroused by or interested in us.  I told him at the beginning of this journey in a very endearing loving manner I was going to break him.  And in less than a year he has come to accept that ejaculation at the end of intercourse is optional, rare, and not a given.  Masturbation for him has now been completely abolished.  He now realizes that ejaculation happens only through me.  Eventually, masturbation will become just a distant memory.  It really can't be any other way.  I know too much to just standby and let him damage our relationship.

(Read this article in its entirety at FLR 101.)

Consequences for Unauthorized Ejaculation

I consider semen retention to be the foundation of my marriage, but the foundation of semen retention is the consequences that await an unauthorized ejaculation.  The only authorized ejaculation in our relationship follows the words coming from my lips: "You may release now." He lives to hear these words, and ejaculation always follows on the last syllable of that sentence.  He will do anything to hear them. But those words won't mean anything if the schedule you set for his ejaculation isn't enforced. There's no getting around this.  Males have such a strong evolutionary built in desire to plant their seed.

To successfully counter his natural tendency you will need an aversive stimulus. An aversive stimulus is an unpleasant event that is intended to decrease the probability of a behavior when it is presented as a consequence (i.e., punishment).

Applying an aversive stimulus means that you lay down the law on unauthorized ejaculation to your husband.  In life, we all live with unpleasant consequences to deter certain behaviors. We're merely talking about creating an environment that is undesirable for a man to ejaculate in without your permission. 

When my husband's passion has led him to the brink, the only thing I've found that works to keep him from teetering over the edge is something that's so horrible that awaits on the other side of his ejaculation that he wouldn't even consider violating my command. Violating my ejaculation schedule is almost as serious to me as him sleeping with another woman.  My husband needs to accept that he doesn't own his genitals.  Just because they're attached to him doesn't mean he has a right to them.  They are the property of the marriage and to be used to help us both transcend.  I'm there to help support him in their proper use.

Really, the consequences you choose should be between you and your husband. Every woman will vary by what they're willing to do, and what their man will respond to.  You need to have an open discussion about what exactly would be an aversive stimulus to him that would deter unwanted behavior.

Your man must not be aroused by whatever consequence you choose for it to be aversive.  It's likely that he'll be aroused by being punished by you.  Great, so he's aroused by being punished, now what do we do!?  No worries.  The aversive stimulus must overwhelm the "punishment at a women's hands reward" that he just earned by violating your schedule.   My husband wants no part of it, and it's why he hasn't touched himself in close to a year.

The aversive stimulus we have is in the background of our relationship not in the foreground. This application of an aversive stimulus is done only to support the foundation of the marriage which is semen retention which is the fuel that will ignite the most passionate love making that you'll experience as well as his obedience if you desire that.  So in about a year, I've had to put maybe 10-20 minutes into maintaining the new level of bliss my marriage has attained.  That's time well spent I'd say.  It's not a daily or weekly thing, but maybe something that crops up every two to three months.    If you find yourself having to apply this aversive stimulus (whatever you've chosen) weekly or anything close to that, you're doing it wrong as far as it being aversive.

Once you have your aversive stimulus, what do you do? Simple.  If he has a moment of weakness, he confesses.  You have a time and place set aside, have him on his knees explain to you why it's happening, and apply the aversive stimulus.  After it's over, he should be on his knees and explain to you why you had to apply the aversive stimulus.  At least this works for us.  No anger is involved, just loving support and acceptance during application.  And best of all, it rarely needs application.

Once the schedule is enforced, there really is no conflict in the marriage.  Things get done.  There's no nagging, just a simple statement: "There's no ejaculation until such and such is done." and it gets done pretty quickly.  I haven't used a stop watch to time it so I can't say for sure how fast it gets done.  Conflict dissipates.  I think we had a little tension once, and I simply said "what an odd response to have toward the person that decides whether your going to ejaculate of not."  The issue was resolved, and there was silence.

(Read this article in its entirety at FLR 101.)