Monday, January 2, 2017

Protect Your Knight

It seems, to some, as if I am advocating an "anything goes" attitude on the part of the wife. After all, she is supposed to be the Queen of the household and the role of the husband is to worship and serve her. So if the wife is sovereign, how could she do anything wrong?

But a closer reading of my book will reveal many ways that a wife could do wrong in her marriage.

To start with, the wife has certain goals in the marriage and cannot count on the cooperation of her husband. She could do wrong simply by failing to enlist her husband in her goals or causing him to work against her. For example, if she neglects to project her erotic power then her dominance will wane and her authority will be diminished.

But even if she is completely successful in establishing her authority in the marriage, her dominance may be short lived, or the marriage itself may become endangered, if she fails to adequately nurture her husband's happiness. As I often say, once you own his heart you are responsible for it.

A husband in wife led marriage tends to find himself depending more on his wife than he would naturally prefer. This is especially the case when he gives up his career to keep the home. In that situation, especially, he may lose the respect of friends, perhaps even his family. He may feel socially isolated for a time until he makes new friends or otherwise adjusts. But even when the husband is still the breadwinner, he may feel some loss of dignity in his new role in the marriage.

So the wife cannot adopt an "anything goes" attitude in her marriage. In fact, I can think of three distinct and important ways in which she must take her husband's feelings into account. I describes these as the "Three Don'ts".

Don't compare your husband unfavorably to other men. Comparing your husband unfavorably to other men is absolutely toxic. It is the surest way to arouse his ego and sabotage your dominance of the marriage. Your goal should be to tame his ego, not to crush or inflame it. When you compare your husband unfavorably to other men you shift his thinking from serving you to competing with other men. When men think about competing with other men they fall back on very primitive and crude evolutionary tools including, among others, anger and violence. And at least some of this, if not most of it, will be directed at you.

Instead, reassure your husband that he is the best man you know. You chose him in marriage and you would gladly do so again. This not in spite of, but at least in part because of, his surrender to your dominance in the marriage. He is the greatest man you know because he serves you. Other men are pathetic creatures who ignore their wives and indulge their outside interests at their wives' expense.

Don't lead your husband to think he is inadequate. Even apart from comparing him unfavorably to other men, you should avoid maliciously belittling him. This can be subtle, of course, when you are in the process of putting him in his new subordinate place in the marriage. The act of domination must, as far as practical, entail raising you up, not putting him down. And disappointments should always be tempered by your confidence that he can be the person you expect him to be. By contrast, if you leave him with the impression that he is an irredeemable failure he will rightly conclude that you have given up on him and he will lose interest in becoming the husband you desire.

Similarly, actions that humiliate your husband must be taken with extreme care. As a rule of thumb, I always frame humiliation with a dose of humor. Good humiliation invites him willingly experience humility. It requires his cooperation. Bad humiliation tries to force humility on the husband over his resistance and it can serve instead to inflame his ego against you. So keep the humiliation light and fun. And try to keep the eye rolling to a minimum.

Finally, don't emasculate your husband. One of the biggest confusions about wife led marriage is the mistaken belief that it involves a repudiation of gender roles. Nothing could be further from the truth. This error arises from a fundamental confusion about gender, itself. Masculinity and femininity are not defined by their relative dominance and submission but by their respective approaches to life. Masculinity is at its best when it is exercised in service to femininity.

This is one reason why I am such a strong advocate of the Queen/knight metaphor. The knight in this relationship is no less of a man because he serves his Queen. On the contrary, she depends utterly upon his masculinity. The Queen will never be a King, she will always be a Queen. And the knight will never be King but he will always be a man. The Queen has every interest in nurturing her knight's masculinity. The ideal situation is one in which the Queen dominates the knight and the knight dominates all else.

Whenever I encounter a marriage where the gender roles have become confused I suggest a very direct solution: the wife should instruct her husband to join a martial arts studio and learn self defense. This allows the husband to express his masculinity without inhibition by beating up on other men while preserving the dominance/submission relationship in the marriage. If he were ever called upon to use his learned skills it would be to defend his Queen and their family, perhaps even to give his life for them. You can't get any more masculine that that!

14 comments:

  1. The greatest challenge faced by the wife in an WLM is to walk the line between exploitation and lenience. This challenge is more difficult than any faced by the husband, who ultimately must only serve and obey. Go too far in one direction and he becomes resentful; go to far in the other, and he will slack off and question his wife's commitment to an WLM.

    Where that line lies differs with every couple and means checking in with each other in atmosphere where the husband can be respectfully truthful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This line is not really so difficult to walk and probably wives worry about it more than they should. But if there is any doubt, nightly conversation will open the communication channel wide.

      Delete
  2. Thanks for a nice post Lady Misato! I remember a sentence from your book where you explain that the threat of humiliation is more effective than the humiliation itself and a reminding the husband of his precarious status in the relationship, should the wife decide to use her leverage. Your line is so apt "Masculinity is at its best when it is exercised in service to femininity."

    Yours Humbly,
    NR

    ReplyDelete
  3. Household husband is the best for WLM, in my opinion, only such a husband can devote one hundred percent to the wife and to support her in her career.Fumika is right that he can feel a little isolated. My husband exchanged recipes with my older sister's husband.
    A man in a woman centric relationship is very sensitive to the mood of his wife. Satisfaction of his wife is his food. A woman should clearly show when she pleased, but also to clearly show when angry.
    Communication is very important. When I worried about something because of my job, I tell him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you ever worry about him and what he's going through?

      Delete
  4. Ms. Fumika,

    A concept that troubles me lately is understanding how much a Dominant Woman should be the one who molds her own submissive and how much a submissive should be given autonomy to be who they want, even if sometimes that might be at odds with what the Queen wants.

    It is my belief that to some important degree, submissives should accept that they are to please, obey, and yes, be molded by the Dominant Women who in a very real and loving sense, own them.

    What is your take on this? What is the line where a submissive should or not be molded?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've seen a wide variety of situations from husbands desiring to submit to reluctant wives to wives needing to unilaterally mold their husbands and transform their marriage to avoid divorce.

      Looking at it purely from the wife's point of view, you have to work with what you've got to move the marriage to where you want it to be.

      I think wives, in general, worry too much about autonomy, especially when there is a risk of divorce, which I wrote about here: https://rwddh.blogspot.com/2015/12/why-do-you-hesitate.html

      Delete
    2. Hi,

      I think Femdom is wonderful when it is acknowledged and institutionalized in a realtionship. I don't think when it just "happens" because one party wants it and the other doesn't it's good, and I certainly don't think it can be any party besides the Woman (or Women) involved who one-sided want it at all. I think if the Woman doesn't want it, then it's not Femdom, it's some ugly type of topping from the bottom (one of the worst types of it, because it's not just topping from the bottom but it's topping from the bottom ABOUT topping from the bottom).

      I think Women ought to be wise and, let's face it, fun, and love Femdom for what it is. But in the case they don't then they maybe are just not meant for it and it's probably not a very good thing to have at all -- or maybe some Women are just not ready for a relationship (I think most Women, when they TRULY are ready for a relationship, will gravitate to Femdom given that they understand what it is because it's the most natural role of the sexes).

      I think Femdom is awesome and we need more blogs like this one, and it saddens me that there are very few posts and far in between. I don't mean that as a critic because it's not my point to criticize, but I do want to call people's attention to the fact that we need more Women talking to the world about Femdom if anything in this world is to change for the good. There are very few Women doing that (I'm one of them but I don't have my own blog yet, maybe I should!) and Women are the only real factor that can erase what's left of the dying patriarchy, instill a Matriarchy, and bring the world to balance, harmony... yes, and Femdom!

      Delete
    3. I certainly agree that if the wife doesn't want it, then it isn't going to work. But the wife can, if she chooses, seduce her husband into it.

      Delete
    4. I love your take on that. I think Women SHOULD do that! It's a Women's world!

      Delete
  5. Hi,

    Now that it's March, is there anything about the month of Female Supremacy that you would like to post about?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is there a Female Supremacy Month?

      Delete
    2. Sure! It's the month with Women's Day on it and it's up to US to make it be known for what Women are - Superior!

      Delete
  6. Gigi, if may say, I like how you think. Every day should be Female Supremacy Day, but taking a month to recognize the superiority of Women would make for a better society.

    When we men humble ourselves and treat women with the respect and dignity they deserve things will start to improve, and when more Women recognize their power and the possibilities, magic will happen!

    Much respect and appreciation to you both, Lady Fumika and Miss Gigi!

    Scott

    ReplyDelete