Wife led marriage is extremely empowering. Extremely.
Sometimes a wife can wonder if she is giving into a lust for power.
Let's be honest. It's pretty nice to be the Queen of the household, to have your husband at your beck and call, to be adored and worshiped, to make the important decisions and not have to explain them to your husband.
But where do you draw the line? How far can you go? Can you go too far in asserting control of you marriage? Are you indulging a lust for power?
This is something that every wife needs to think about because the more you exercise erotic power in your marriage the less your husband will resist you. Given determination and the right technique you can get him to accept almost anything you decide.
I have found that the best way to check a lust for power is to keep focused on two questions:
- What are the practical outcomes that you desire?
- Is he happy?
Desirable practical outcomes include a clean and orderly home, stable finances, good health, and successful children. How does your marriage stack up against others that you admire?
By staying focused on practical outcomes you can avoid the temptation to keep pushing him just to see how far you can. If, for example, the house is clean then there is no need to have him clean it further.
It's also important to realize that, to a large extent, your husband's happiness depends on you. A husband can find great happiness in submission to a wife who wields erotic power over him. And a happy husband is a helpful and adoring husband.
On the other hand, a husband who is the target of malicious nagging will be very unhappy. A husband who doesn't know what is expected of him will be very stressed. A husband who does not feel that his efforts to please his wife are valued will be miserable.
If he's happy, if your marriage is healthy, then all is well and there is no abuse of power. If either of those things go offtrack then it's all your responsibility to get back on track.
You can indulge your power freely so long as you keep these goals in mind.
Thank you for this post - it is the kind of "check" I admit I need from time to time. I agree - wife led marriage is very, empowering. Things in our home have become increasingly "on track". I think in some ways this is like having one captain of the ship - the steering is easier. The "is he happy" guideline is a good one. Admittedly, I am one who can truly enjoy the authority and power. I happen to have a husband who fits into this dynamic very well. He very, very, rarely objects to my leadership and for the most part if he does I have some "quick salve" for him. I believe he is quite happy deferring to me and our home runs smoother.
ReplyDeleteThis post raises the question of boundaries. In a D/s relationship, we usually think of boundaries in terms of sexual limits, but there's much more to it than that. Basically, I trust that she won't exploit me, and in return she trusts that I will be obedient. She's never come close to exploiting me; as a result I'm obedient.
ReplyDeleteAn excellent point and well said. Wives often worry too much about this and I have yet to hear from a husband who feels he is being exploited by his wife when she is following my advice. (By contrast, I see no end of complaints from husbands about their nagging wives; if only they would read my book.)
DeleteTo Fumika's point - I myself worried (given my generally bossy nature) about this but to my husband I believe he is content. Nagging has nearly been eliminated!
ReplyDeleteAlso, there's nothing like communication. We check in regularly so that we are each sure of the other's comfort level. There's value in reassurance, plus we've established a safe way to raise issues.
ReplyDeleteReading back I am realizing the great irony here. With Lady Misato's methods a wife has infinitely more control and yet without the "battle" and complaints of the husband. I think some of it, for me, is understanding the "asymmetry" and really, really understanding that he wants this and it feels good to him too!
ReplyDeleteAfter a certain time in the WLM husband becomes very sensitive to the needs of his wife. He feels that his wife satisfied, to the end or not. At the beginning of WLM, I have not been used and I do not have orgasms as much as I wanted. He immediately felt that I did not fully satisfied and he was frustrated because of that. After correcting my behavior we were both happy. Husband's happiness a lot depends on his wife happiness. I always praise him when the house is fine, I kiss him in bed after the lovemaking. Good communication is so important.
ReplyDelete