Friday, June 19, 2015

The Emotional Complexity of Wife Led Marriage

At first glance, the authority that a wife wields over her husband might appear to be nothing more than the exploitation of her husband's carnal desires.

Though wrong, this is perfectly understandable given prevailing attitudes.

Marital advice on how to save or improve your marriage has long been centered around conversation and intellectual engagement in problem solving. While an allowance is made for the emotional needs and experience of the spouses, it is generally assumed that the wife and husband must sit down and talk through their problems. Alternatively, marriage counselors lead the discussion asking each to make conscious changes in their behavior for the sake of the marriage.

This focus on intellectualizing emotional issues too often results in a dead end. If the husband won't agree to talk about the marriage, or meet with the marriage counselor, or consciously change his behavior, then the only alternative is divorce.

By contrast, when a wife sets about to assume the lead in her marriage, whether to repair or improve it, she does not share this decision with her husband. Rather, she simply acts to influence his thinking. And the most crucial step that she takes is to assume complete control of sex.

At a casual glance, then, it may appear as if the wife is simply withholding sex and that her husband is merely working hard in hopes of sexual gratification. But there is much more going on than that.

Sex, being a primal human desire, has deep emotional and psychological roots. When you manipulate your sexual relationship you are reaching past your husband's consciousness and manipulating the deepest parts of his subconscience.

As a result of this sexual manipulation, your husband's emotions and feelings about you and your marriage become fundamentally altered.

As you pair sex and authority you begin to wield erotic power in your marriage. Your husband experiences this differently than either sex or power alone. He very quickly becomes addicted to your erotic power. He experiences this addiction as an irresistible desire, arising out of his deepest subconsciousness, to submit himself to your authority. He begins to crave every opportunity to obey your command. He starts to feel great joy in serving you.

Ultimately, he begins to worship you.

That can be a very startling change if six months ago you were on the verge of divorce, arguing, as so many couples do, about money, kids, and housework. It may be tempting to miss or dismiss his adoring interest in you as nothing more than the pursuit of the sexual gratification that you have been so carefully managing. If so, you are selling short yourself and him and the transformation itself.
 
The transformation is real. It is profound. It is deep and permanently life changing.

16 comments:

  1. What a great blog! I'm going to introduce this one to my wife, she will like.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The only thing I can add here is that I have found this to be true on the deepest levels and in ways that have, frankly, stunned me. While I have always been somewhat "in the lead" and dominant I had no idea the level this could go to and how a man can actually come to crave (and I do mean crave) female direction. Something very deep and very visceral can get tapped into and it can be deeply satisfying. Is there some sexual manipulation/control - well, yes! If you see that as horrible then maybe this is not for you. I have seen deep connection and committment emerge from it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't fully understand it myself. I see it, I know how to bring it about, I even know how to help other wives accomplish the same in their marriage. But I don't fully understand why and how erotic power works. In my book I discuss conditioning and hierarchy which is innate and previously I wrote about Courtly Love http://rwddh.blogspot.com/2015/04/courtly-love.html.

      Delete
    2. I don't know that anyone understands it. Experiencing female erotic power is profound: When one truly surrenders to it, there is a tremendous sense of relief and liberation. In the end, it is empowering for the husband and the wife.

      I get to walk away from the burden of the male stereotype with the emotional protection of someone whom I love and trust. I won't speak for her, but she has told me more than once that she won't go back. Not that I want to!

      Delete
  3. I will say from my point of view it is an unequivocal "yes" - to the question of is it necessary to limit his orgasms. From my experience this gives him drive and dedication!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. t does that! I think that the right frequency and approach varies from couple to couple. My wife says that she times them so that I stay -- as you say -- driven and dedicated -- but also so that I don't get cranky. She's chosen a fixed schedule, but that's just us.

      The big revelation to both of us is that outside of the bedroom, we are happier as individuals and closer as a couple.

      Delete
  4. and another thing is one of the biggest obstacles I've always faced to posting on this blog is you can't post anonymously and it's annoying as hell. I broke my 10 year or more rule to never post from any account on a blog about Femdom just for you. I can't make you appreciate it nut ask you to please do so... and encourage you to rethink how many people might not post because it's just so difficult to do so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do appreciate your public comment but on my reply I have the option to reply as me or to sign out so I assumed that anyone could do this. Maybe there is a setting I need to change?

      Delete
  5. Miss Mishato, please post to keep the conversation alive! It's over a month and a half since you posted

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't always have time but as you can see from the author list, I am enlisting more writers to complement my contributions.

      Delete
  6. "The transformation is real. It is profound. It is deep and permanently life changing."
    I have certainly felt a real and profound change in the way I relate to my wife. I don't understand it and have wondered if it is real.
    I have developed an overwhelming desire to serve and please her, and yes, to worship her.
    I have also wondered if this is just a passing fad or a permanent change.
    I do hope that it is a permanent life change as I really like it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. MrBill, My experience is that it comes and goes as life happens, so to speak. Hopefully more coming than going!

    ReplyDelete
  8. If there is no love between husband and wife, it can not be created. If love exists, it can deepen. The wives deserve the worship of their husbands.
    The male orgasm is designed for reproduction, the female orgasm is designed for enjoyment during lovemaking. The male orgasm consumes energy, female orgasm creates energy of sexual power.The frequent male orgasms have negative impact on men's emotions, and consume the men's sexual energy. Female orgasms are beneficial for both husband and wife.
    The frequency of male orgasm must be reduced to a man had enough energy. Long term orgasm denial has a greater effect than short orgasm denial. My experience: month of orgasm denial is minimum for good effects on husband.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Maria,

    I like the "month" idea on male orgasm restriction. I myself keep him closer to 6-7 weeks. He is pretty "needy" most of the time - except maybe the first week after I have released him. One word of caution to wives - watch out for husband masturbation. I have a "check in" with my husband - a discussion periodically and simply ask if there have been any "wandering hands". He is a horrible liar - at least with me - the combination of that and his very deep desire to make me happy keeps him hands free. He also know there would be consequences.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This whole blog is premised on a profound dislike of the male gender. One wonders why you bother with us at all if our natural state of being is so repugnant to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What complete and utter rubbish. We love our husbands sincerely and deeply. Husbands who surrender to their wives in marriage are wonderful and beautiful. It is in submission to marriage that a husband achieves his highest potential as a human being. They just need a little nudging sometimes.

      Delete