Friday, June 19, 2015
The Emotional Complexity of Wife Led Marriage
Though wrong, this is perfectly understandable given prevailing attitudes.
Marital advice on how to save or improve your marriage has long been centered around conversation and intellectual engagement in problem solving. While an allowance is made for the emotional needs and experience of the spouses, it is generally assumed that the wife and husband must sit down and talk through their problems. Alternatively, marriage counselors lead the discussion asking each to make conscious changes in their behavior for the sake of the marriage.
This focus on intellectualizing emotional issues too often results in a dead end. If the husband won't agree to talk about the marriage, or meet with the marriage counselor, or consciously change his behavior, then the only alternative is divorce.
By contrast, when a wife sets about to assume the lead in her marriage, whether to repair or improve it, she does not share this decision with her husband. Rather, she simply acts to influence his thinking. And the most crucial step that she takes is to assume complete control of sex.
At a casual glance, then, it may appear as if the wife is simply withholding sex and that her husband is merely working hard in hopes of sexual gratification. But there is much more going on than that.
Sex, being a primal human desire, has deep emotional and psychological roots. When you manipulate your sexual relationship you are reaching past your husband's consciousness and manipulating the deepest parts of his subconscience.
As a result of this sexual manipulation, your husband's emotions and feelings about you and your marriage become fundamentally altered.
As you pair sex and authority you begin to wield erotic power in your marriage. Your husband experiences this differently than either sex or power alone. He very quickly becomes addicted to your erotic power. He experiences this addiction as an irresistible desire, arising out of his deepest subconsciousness, to submit himself to your authority. He begins to crave every opportunity to obey your command. He starts to feel great joy in serving you.
Ultimately, he begins to worship you.
That can be a very startling change if six months ago you were on the verge of divorce, arguing, as so many couples do, about money, kids, and housework. It may be tempting to miss or dismiss his adoring interest in you as nothing more than the pursuit of the sexual gratification that you have been so carefully managing. If so, you are selling short yourself and him and the transformation itself.
The transformation is real. It is profound. It is deep and permanently life changing.