I believe the main reason is that couples approach marriage as a partnership of equals.
Until recently husbands held the advantage and wives had little or no say in important matters. Women were not allowed to vote in most countries until the 1950s. But things have changed. Women are more independent and capable and confident of making decisions on our own; we are much less worried about our financial independence. Women are now the majority on college campuses. In short we have become the equals of, if not superior to, men in most matters.
This has skewed the marriage dynamic so that any decision big or small becomes a major fight between husband and wife where neither side is willing to budge for the other.
This is why I believe that inequality in a marriage is so important. In every relationship, one partner must dominate the other if those fights are to be avoided and this is the natural resolution. It is part of the Yin and Yang of marriage. In some marriages, one partner takes a dominant position for life while in others the marriage partners changes positions from time to time or from situation to situation. Sometimes when there are two dominant personalities in a relationship, one has to deliberately surrender to the other. Marriage is about making compromises but the dominant spouse gets the final say
I think dominance in marriage is an important but under-appreciated phenomenon. The most stable marriages seem to be those in which dominance is clear throughout. The dominant partner makes all the final decisions, from what to watch on TV in the evening to which car to buy, and the submissive partner acquiesces and assumes a supporting role. If what people expect from marriage is not necessarily everlasting passionate love but a stable partnership that will allow joint ventures such as buying a home and raising children together, or an opportunity to concentrate on one’s career without worrying about house chores, then an asymmetrical relationship with uncontested dominance probably guarantees the best outcome. The secret to a stable marriage is that one of the two spouses must be willing to give up a disproportionate share of control as the price for stability.
I believe it is time that wives embraced a more dominant role and that husbands accepted a more submissive and supporting role in the marriage. All that is required for this to happen is for things to continue on their present trajectory. Instead of wives deciding that we now have equality in marriage and halting their progress we should just keep pushing forward.
I also want to stress that dominance does not mean disrespecting your spouse. On the outside, of course, it may seem very disrespectful, but if you want to make it work and be healthy, you, as the wife, must express love and respect for your submissive husband. We sometimes worry that a submitting husband is going against his nature and is being emasculated. But this is simply not true.
Also remember that just because your husband is allowing you to take the lead in your marriage doesn't mean that he’s less than you. Submission is not synonymous with slavery or abuse. We have to know how to find the right balance.
In a nutshell a healthy marriage is possible, it is however just that it will not be an equal marriage!!
