You Can Say Anything - If It's Sexy!!

I believe that women are sometimes hesitant to say certain things to their men for fear of damaging fragile egos.  Historically we have been taught to be caretakers and be gentle with the boys. I feel that I have learned that an immense intimacy can be engaged if things, even things that husbands and males find hard to hear can be said. I think it is the way a woman says it. I have actually come to believe that it is important, even, to acknowledge directly areas where your husband might fall short of your hopes and expectations. If a woman does it in a playful and "sexy" manner she can bring up and point out areas where he falls a bit short. My rule of thumb has become - if I give him an erection while saying or doing it I can do or say virtually anything. Whether it is income he does not produce, things he is no-so-smart-about, or bedroom challenges he may have - oddly enough, pointing them out and even sexily teasing him about those issues can add deeply to a woman's leadership and general dominance. You are saying things that you both know are true - you are just putting it out there and keeping it under your erotic spell while you do. I am coming to believe that this can be exciting for men (even if embarrassing/humiliating) as it can embrace their deepest truths right within the context of feminine relationship and authority.

Getting Him Motivated

I need to admit that only a few short month months ago I think I would have been embarrassed or perhaps too shy to share some of my thoughts on getting a husband engaged and motivated to work for his wife.  My thoughts and knowledge on this subject have changed in leaps and bounds from being very non-explicit and vague to quite clear.  The clarity I feel is based on what I have done and felt in my own marriage and over a fairly short period of time overall.

I should confess that I have always, even from the very start, been the more domineering of us and "in charge" in my marriage.  However, that has become increasingly the case as time has progressed and since I have engaged and thought more actively and read about female led marriages things have truly taken off and in a very good direction for the most part.

I would not have believed some of the things that we (largely me) have put into place.  My husband has always been generally compliant toward me when it comes to housework.  However what I have learned is that I can actually get him over the top motivated/excited to work for me -- and yes, it is precisely because it is "for me" that he gets engaged.

If this sounds manipulative, well, it probably is.  I think what I have done is to wire the idea of housework (or really any work that he does "for me") into his brain as being sexually exciting. What is amazing to me, or ironic, is that his excitement gets satisfied somewhat rarely.  What I think motivates him is a certain sort of hope that maybe it will be sometime or someday -- even if it is rare.

I sexually tease him a great deal.  I try to look sexy, smell pretty, and often make "work requests" with a hand on his crotch or whispering in his ear.  I like him to give him erections before he does the dinner dishes or sets into his Saturday chores (from a list that I have given him).  I keep him yearning, wanting, hoping and, yes a bit frustrated for much of the time.  I often give him the longest lists or the toughest tasks while he is very sexually turned on.  In fact I now almost match the degree to which I excite him to the size of the hardship to be encountered.

It is amazing to me what can be accomplished with a whisper, a hand on the crotch or a sexy smile. I have also found it important to keep him in want even if there a fair amount of frustration for him. It keeps him tuned to my satisfaction.  How far this can go in a marriage, or at least has, in my marriage, has felt remarkable to me.  It feels to me like he actually gets sexually excited to go to work for me.  I expect that sounds crazy to some and, I myself, would have thought so not very long ago.

Quite recently I ran into an old girlfriend who is not yet married but who said to me "If you control the erotics you control it all - and they (males) can really like it that way".  I know some of my closest friends might object to the idea of "control" but for us it works.