The short answer is, "no". But that is not a complete answer because, to be frank, so many wives do it wrong.
The more precise answer is that it is very easy and natural for a wife to dominate, or attempt to dominate, her husband in such a way as to do great harm to the marriage. And so the popular image of the domineering wife is not a very pretty one.
Why are wives so often dominating their husbands wrongly? Because most wives come at it out of frustration and powerlessness. As a result, the average controlling wife is unpleasant, even toxic in her attitude toward her husband and the marriage. In short, a nagging bitch.
There is a right way for a wife to dominate her husband. The right way is a matter of both style and substance.
In style, a rightfully domineering wife is pleasant and playful. She makes demands of her husband with a smile and a wink. Her husband hears her demands not as an assault on his ego but as an opportunity to express his love for her.
In substance, a rightfully domineering wife always keeps the good of the marriage and the happiness of her husband firmly in mind. Her husband comes to trust her decisions in the larger scheme of things even when he might disagree in the immediate circumstances.
Wrongful domineering exploits and erodes trust and creates distance between you. But rightful domineering exercises and builds trust and draws him nearer to you.
So, it is not possible for a wife to be too rightfully domineering. Provided that the demands are made in the right style and toward the right goals then there is no reason a wife should feel inhibited about expressing herself in a domineering manner.
If you are rightfully domineering then he will be as happy as a puppy, eagerly anticipating your return home, and craving your authority and domineering presence.
I could not agree more. Really like this post and your blog in general. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you ! Very encouraging and helpful information.
ReplyDeleteI think this article brings up a number of other points as well. I will address what I think is the most critical now, and probably write an entry in my own blog about his topic soon as well.
ReplyDeleteIf your wife gets so frustrated and angry that she turns into the woman described in the entry then you, the hubby need to take much of the responsibility to make things better!
She would only get this angry and frustrated if you were not cooperating and showed no signs of trying to help her over a long period of time!
If you find yourself in this situation - stop - think - and agree. DO NOT disagree with anything she says! Go into a state of contrition and whatever she wants you do do, do it with a smile and do it eagerly! Then do more!
Your marriage is on the road to ruin and at this point she obviously does not know how to fix it. So the weight of making things better is now on your shoulders!
Even if she STILL acts like she hates you just keep cooperating, and do not sass her back. No one gets into a situation like this over night and you won't get out of it over night.
But if you do your best to alleviate the anger and pressure that she is feeling, it will eventually help her to relax and start to feel more in control and more confident.
Just do it, and watch both of your lives start to improve.
Surrendered Hubby
This is good advice. But, alas, it is not always sufficient. What is really needed is for the wife to have an epiphany, that she can get more of what she wants by treating you better.
DeleteSo f you are dealing with a negatively domineering wife, I would add one thing more: give her a copy of my book.
Perhaps not always sufficient, but it worked for me.
DeleteOften frustrated and angry people just keep pushing in negative ways as long as they get resistance.
But if the man changes the deck and simply becomes agreeable and does not resist and does as she asks/demands, there is a good chance that she will feel the change herself and relax after a while.
Besides, isn't swallowing your pride about the tastiest dish a subby hubby could enjoy?
;)
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ReplyDeleteYou should explore more conventional matchmaking forums such as match.com. Just advertise yourself honestly but one suggestion: put aside the kink and find a strong willed woman and let nature take its course. As for contact, see the "coaching" page.
DeleteI think one of the biggest and most helpful aspects of this post is the playful part. That is what I sort of got but not nearly, nearly, like I feel I do now. If you are playful in your dominance a husband will follow. I toy and play and tease him constantly all the while bossing him quite a bit. The thing is it feels okay to him. He does not see me as "nagging". If you excite a man at the same time you give him a list of chores it is a whole different thing I think.
ReplyDeleteFemdom websites picture dominant women almost exclusively as nasty and abusive, apparently thinking this will appeal to submissive men. I don’t know about other men, but it certainly does not appeal to me. Women acting like that implicitly acknowledge their powerlessness and only show their frustration at being unable to make a man freely submit to her. There is no need at all for a supreme woman to lose her temper over the initial weakness of a man’s commitment to her dominance. She simply knows that she will win him over in the end and she is fully confident that her patience and forbearance will slowly overcome his fear and resistance. She knows, that he really wánts to submit, but only still lacks the courage and self-confidence, to truly give in. Because she is certain about her victory over him she can afford to take her time in making him gradually feel what dignity and bliss lies in being led by her into a sub-mission that may give pregnancy to her greater female mission in life.
ReplyDeleteSandy, I agree wholly! I have noticed that the calmer and more control I am in the better for my husband submitting. I find it is a confidence thing. I think he wants to submit and feels better when he does. I feel he senses that the "female mission" as you put it is the right one!
ReplyDelete