Why Can't a Wife Be More Like a Husband?

I do have my critics. Shocking, right?

They can't understand why I promote the wife led marriage as I do.

The criticism mostly comes from those who advocate an egalitarian marriage, one in which every important decision in the marriage is made jointly. A marriage in which both spouses work and earn roughly equal salaries. A marriage in which neither spouse enjoys more influence, power, or authority than the other.

I point to the long history of husband led marriages. Although these are no longer the socially idealized form of marriage they are still very common. Why can't we have some wife led marriages too? It's only fair, right?

That explanation, though, only goes so far. For egalitarians to swallow it they would have to see a wife led marriage as a mirror of husband led marriage. And it isn't. Not by far.

Why isn't the wife led marriage a mirror of the husband led marriage?

Human nature. Women and men are not alike. There are some important differences.

Historically, a woman was attracted to a man who could provide for and protect her and her children. That meant she was attracted to strength and intelligence. While women are attracted to handsome men, social status is far more important.

This has changed little in modern society. Even among the most egalitarian-minded women, men of low social status are out of bounds.

Men, on the other hand, have always been most attracted to women for their sexuality and willingness to keep the home.

To pretend that the roles can be simply reversed, is simply mistaken.

Ladies, no matter how successful you are in your career, single men are not going to swoon over that. And very often, a wife who earns more than her husband is courting trouble.

Why? There is the small matter of the male ego. Small to us, maybe, but not to him.

Obviously I'm not saying that the wife cannot lead the marriage. I'm simply saying that it won't be the mirror of a husband led marriage.

Vive la différence.