Shush!

There are many ways to become the head of your household but every journey begins with the first step. For some, this can be as simple as finding a way to resolve marital conflicts in your favor.

Too often marriages are torn by strife. Even the simplest disagreements can ignite fierce argument. Just putting an end to such acrimony can immensely benefit your marriage.

One way that you can accomplish both ends is to ask your husband to allow you to temporarily suspend arguments with a simple gesture of your hand to his mouth saying, "Shush!" He does not need to concede the argument to you. He only agrees to postpone his part of it to another time.

This method was first discovered by a marital counselor who had been frustrated by a couple who could not seem to stop fighting. As related by another blogger,

The counselor decided to try a radical new approach. Her advice was for the wife to simply put a band aid on hubbie’s mouth when they fought and he would then remember to be silent. He could not speak again until she came and removed it. Everyone thought it was a crazy idea and that it wouldn’t work. Even though the counselor never let on that she had her doubts. But as their relationship was just so tattered and close to the end, and little else had worked for them or any other couples, they tried it.

The next time they met, the couple were all smiles and the simple “Hush up hubby, your woman is speaking” advice had saved their marriage! The first time they did it, they both started laughing and the fight ended. The next couple of times the silliness had worn off a little but they were both happy and hubby obeyed the rules and the whole situation deescalated.

I got into the practice of doing something very similar early in the transformation of my own marriage. Whenever I felt he was getting too emotionally involved in justifying himself I would put my hand to his mouth and ask for some quiet time. It was understood that this was quiet time for him, not for me.

The beauty of this is that it can be presented so innocently. We all recognize how toxic fighting can be to marriage, even to our health and wellbeing. In return, you are implicitly promising him to tone down your own rhetoric. If he must be silent then you must be reasonable in what you say during his silence lest you simply reignite the argument.

This, in turn, becomes easier because you won't need to shout over him. If, by the touch of your hand to his mouth you can silence him then you are at liberty to make your point calmly and in more measured tone.

Finally, the mere act of submission to you in this point can go a long way to cooling your own animosity. If, for example, you are infuriated by his disrespect of your opinion you can at least recognize that by his silence he is respecting your wish to have your say. Can you really burn with hatred in that situation?

Most importantly, though, is that this will be a first small step on the way to empowering you as head of the household. Assuming, as will almost certainly be the case, that your marriage is happier with this improvement you will be able to suggest further improvements along the same line.