The Attitude of a Queen

I am often asked: what is the ideal attitude for a wife adopt as she takes the lead in her marriage? Behind this question lies an assumption that to lead in marriage the wife has to be a ball buster. If not mean, at least stern. But you don’t need to become a bitch to wear the pants.

It is true that you will be raising standards and expecting more from your husband but it is crucial how you go about doing that.

Many things in life hinge on your attitude and successful leadership of your marriage is no exception. Nothing will work if you have the wrong attitude.

It is said that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar and so it is with leading your husband in marriage. Your emphasis must be on making a presentation of yourself and your aspirations for the marriage. Adopting the right attitude may sound like an exercise in platitudes but you will discover that it is a way of being that is not just better but easier and more natural.

As you begin to take the lead in your marriage you will discover a new voice that may at times shock you. It will not be an inauthentic voice. Rather, you will find yourself expressing things that you had previously suppressed. You will be letting go of inhibitions and rediscovering your youthful vigor.

You will find a new voice as you gain confidence in yourself and your erotic power. A virtuous cycle will develop whereby the more you achieve in your marriage, the more you realize you can achieve, and the more courage you have to achieve still more. The more progress you make in your marriage, the stronger your voice will become.

Finding a new voice implies becoming a new person right down to your core. Assuming the lead in your marriage will change how you think about your marriage, your husband, yourself, and life in general. You will see the world with new eyes and think in ways that would never have occurred to you before.

You may be familiar with the Mistress/slave relationship and often wives imagine that this is what I am proposing. But I prefer, instead, the metaphor of Queen/knight. The problem with the Mistress/slave metaphor is that slavery is an involuntary institution. Slaves are taken into labor by force. By contrast, a knight willingly dedicates himself to the service of his Queen.

A slave stands behind his Mistress with a bowed head. A knight stands in front of his Queen with his hand on the hilt of his sword eyes peering for potential threats. A knight is a votary, a person who takes vows to live a life of service. A knight as protector is always acting in the interest of his Queen. For this reason and others, the Queen/knight metaphor is more accurate and romantic.